There is much talk today about generational differences or divides.
When I was younger there was talk about the differences between the younger generation and the older generation. But in today’s world there are as many as 7 different generational definitions or descriptions. Trying to define each of them is challenging enough, let alone working or communicating with each one! Every day we deal with challenges relating to communicating with and training different personalities. Sometimes those challenges lead us to gravitate toward hiring people more and more like us. “They just understand better. They are easier to train and communicate with.” While this may be easier in one way, it could also lead to group thinking, confirmation bias, unintentional discriminatory behavior, and overall stagnant environments.
The good news is that we can take this complicated, multi-generational world and simplify it. But we must be willing to understand and own who we are as a personality type as much as we work to understand the personalities of those around us. It doesn’t help to simply understand or label the personalities of those around us if we don’t stop to understand who we are and how our actions and interactions affect both parties in the conversation. Think about it, if we could fully understand how the person across from us is going to hear and react to what we are about to say – BEFORE we say it, would it change how we communicate? In addition, if we could equally understand why we are reacting in a certain way to the person across from us – BEFORE we react, would it change our reaction?
There are two basic personalities: The Oh My Personality; and the Yeah-Yeah Personality. The most efficient and effective teams will have both personalities on them. They will play to the strengths of each personality. And those team members will understand their own tendencies enough to prevent breakdowns in processes or communication. Let’s talk about each.
The Yeah-Yeah personality is a confident, jump in with both feet personality. They might take notes, but rarely refer to them. They think more about the big picture and reaching the goal than they do about the details of how to get there. When working with a Yeah-Yeah personality it can be initially energizing because they jump right in and start doing things to reach the goal. The caution with this is that sometimes the Yeah-Yeah misses some details or overlooks them as they pursue the big picture. If you are training a new person that is a Yeah-Yeah personality you may be lulled into a false sense of security thinking that they are doing great only to find out later that they missed some details or did something incorrectly. Over reaction is then common: “I thought they knew what they were doing! If they messed this up, what else did they mess up?” Going down this road can lead to micro-management that demotivates the Yeah-Yeah. Yeah-Yeah personalities need to be allowed to learn multiple things at once, jump in with both feet and make things happen. Giving them too much detail can cause them to mentally check out and not hear the details you are trying to give them. In their head they are screaming: “Yeah-Yeah I got this! Teach me something else! Let’s move on already!”
The Oh-My personality is the detail driven, checklist loving, get it right the first-time personality. They take notes and refer to them often. They thrive in situations where they can be given the time to assimilate all of the details before being expected to perform. Expecting an Oh-My to jump in and perform without confirmation in their own minds that they know what they are doing can cause a high stress or frustration level for them. They may even feel like they are being set up for failure because they feel like they are missing details that they should have been told. When given time to nail down the details, once they believe they know them, they will rarely make a mistake. But getting to that point can sometimes seem like it is taking longer than necessary. A common thought when training or working with an Oh-My personality is: “I have repeated this over and over! Are they ever going to get it?” The key concept for the Oh-My is that they must believe that they know what is expected, the details necessary to reach the goal, and that they are trusted to perform. The reason they are called Oh-My personalities is that when you ask them to do something they are just learning they might say: “Oh-My, show me that one more time?”
Knowing the personalities and how they think is only half the battle. Knowing your own personality, and how you are likely to react to others gives you the necessary insight to overcome the common pitfalls in interpersonal relationships. The first easy pitfall is to gravitate to only people that are like you. It may feel comfortable at first. But long term it will only lead to mediocre performance or failure. And, you won’t understand why because everyone was supposed to be as good as you are. (We often don’t see our own weaknesses until it is too late.) If you are a Yeah-Yeah and you are working with or training a Yeah-Yeah, the risk is that each of you assumes that both of you know exactly what to do and are in sync with all of the details – until something blows up in your face to show you that you didn’t spend enough time on the details to reach the end goal. If you are an Oh-My and you are working with or training an Oh-My, you each will thrive on details. This has the potential to slow down the process so much so that you cannot reach the end goal. Paralysis by analysis is a definite possibility.
If you are an Oh-My and you are working with or training a Yeah-Yeah you are likely to get frustrated that they are not listening to all of the details. You may not trust them. They won’t feel trusted. And when they miss the details, this could be seen as confirmation that they are not as good as they are supposed to be.
If you are a Yeah-Yeah working with an Oh-My, you are likely to get frustrated with all of the questions and assurance the Oh-My thrives on. You will want them to “Just Do It” which will frustrate them and make them slow down even more in an attempt to reassure themselves that they don’t miss anything (since you aren’t telling them).
The most optimal situation is to have an Oh-My and a Yeah-Yeah working side by side. The Yeah-Yeah will keep things moving. They adapt to new processes or changes much more quickly and don’t stress over them. The Oh-My makes sure that details aren’t missed and everything is covered. They are the stabilizer that keeps everything on track and helps everyone get to the finish line.
Here is the cool part: The secret to excelling with each personality is the same! The secret is to listen at least as much as you talk! There is an old saying that you have one mouth and two ears for a reason… you are supposed to listen more than you talk. If you can understand what the Yeah-Yeah is thinking, how much they know, and what the important details are to them, you can fill in the gaps and encourage them BEFORE missing details create a problem. They will feel trusted and thrive in that environment.
All you have to do is ask them: Tell me how you do ____. Or what are the critical details for this _____? Once you understand what they know, you can coach them or assist them with the other necessary items.
If you can reassure the Oh-My of the details that they do know and only spend time adding to them to build on their knowledge you will speed up their training time, increase their confidence and motivate them to jump in and make things happen. All you have to do is ask them: Tell me how you do ____. Or what are the critical details for this _____? Sound familiar?
The purpose in asking the Oh-My is different but the outcome is the same. For the Oh-My you are building their confidence in what they know and preventing yourself from reteaching the same things over and over. Where with the Yeah-Yeah you are confirming their focus so you know how to guide their direction.
Life is challenging. Dealing with people is challenging. But the real challenge is taking the time to listen to others; to understand who they are; to understand who you are; and to make the most of the relationship by complementing each other’s strengths instead of complaining about your differences.
